“Whether members of the JPII generation or millennials who have discovered the faith, young people are coming in to the Church. Their homecoming, however, is not always welcomed by their parents or grandparents.
For many parents of converts, particularly those who grew up in the ’60s and bristle at authority (unless it is their own), their offsprings’ return to the Church can feel like a slap in the face. There is a palpable sense of betrayal: “Didn’t we raise you better than that? You aren’t even pro-choice anymore? And what’s with all these children?”
For many converts, open persecution isn’t something from the outside world but happens at a place they think of as home. Threats of being dropped from the will, cutting off communication and angry standoffs are not uncommon. One set of parents announced to their 24-year-old son who had just joined the Church, “We like the old John better.” And when the topic of religious life or the priesthood arises, parents without faith can be the toughest nuts to crack. One young woman who felt called to life in the cloister could simply not overcome the pressure her parents put upon her as an only child. Another mother, whose son entered the seminary, would rant angrily at his male Catholic friends who were not becoming priests. “Why aren’t they taking you instead of him? He is my only son!” Such outbursts can certainly put a strain upon even the most pious as they try to live out the fifth commandment: honor your mother and father.
Such relationships put young Catholics in the awkward position of trying to not only endure their parents’ displeasure but to also actively help bring their parents back to the Church. As I discuss in my book Nudging Conversions, helping parents return to the faith can be a difficult enterprise because the natural parent-child dynamic is upset. No one wants to feel like her family has turned into Freaky Friday, where the child becomes the mature adult and the parent returns to (or never left) a stunted adolescence.
To face this parental problem, prayer is the place to start. The healthier your own faith, the easier it will be to endure the derision and/or to pass the faith along. Through prayer, the Holy Spirit will also give you insights into what to say to your parents and what to pray for, given their own particular situation. Each person is unique and will have an equally unique journey to discovering God. There are certainly times when relationships can be toxic and boundaries need to be set, and again, this is where the Spirit’s counsel is crucial.
Patience is the second critical tool. The good news is you don’t have to convince your parents of the truth of Catholicism in one sitting. It is a process, like peeling an onion (and yes, sometimes there are accompanying tears). It is easy to become frustrated or irritated with your elders when they act like juveniles: when they are self-absorbed, won’t listen to reason or just want to hang out with their friends or watch a game instead of going to church with you. In fact, it can be really irritating and makes one think, It’s tough to raise good parents these days. Nagging, pestering and fire-hosing (too much info at once) are just not approaches that will work. But steadily loving your parents exactly where they are — warts and all — while planting seeds when possible, goes a long way.
Many adults today have a lot of baggage given the current state of our culture. This can both be good and bad. On the one hand, when people have tried just about everything, sometimes the only thing they haven’t tried is returning to the faith of their childhood, or the Church they never considered before. The hard part, of course, is that with this baggage there can also be a lot of impediments to full communion, particularly in areas related to marriage and divorce. God, however, does not simply smooth over the difficulties but gets to the root of the problem. While it can be painful for everyone involved, there is nothing like the freedom that comes with living in God’s will, freed from the chains of sin.
Sometimes, the very thing needed to transform a parent or grandparent can come from the most unlikely places. I recently heard about a child making her First Communion who, during the rehearsal, innocently asked her grandfather if he would be receiving the Eucharist too. That question changed the elderly man’s life. Why am I not receiving? went through his head over and over again until he realized it was just the culture and his own neglect that had led him away from the Church. He came back to his faith with zeal.
Converting parents isn’t impossible. And no matter their protests, there is simply no better way to honor your mother and father.”
Love, and totally blown away, completely humbled by the faith of those who convert to Catholicism and the price they readily, bravely pay,
Matthew
Summa Catechetica, "Neque enim quaero intelligere ut credam, sed credo ut intelligam." – St Anselm, "“Si comprehendus, non est Deus.” -St Augustine, "Let your religion be less of a theory, and more of a love affair." -G.K. Chesterton, “When we pray we speak to God; but when we read, God speaks to us.” -St Jerome, "As the reading of bad books fills the mind with worldly and poisonous sentiments; so, on the other hand, the reading of pious works fills the soul with holy thoughts and good desires." -St. Alphonsus Liguori, "And above all, be on your guard not to want to get anything done by force, because God has given free will to everyone and wants to force no one, but only proposes, invites and counsels." –St. Angela Merici, “Yet such are the pity and compassion of this Lord of ours, so desirous is He that we should seek Him and enjoy His company, that in one way or another He never ceases calling us to Him . . . God here speaks to souls through words uttered by pious people, by sermons or good books, and in many other such ways.” —St. Teresa of Avila, "I want a laity, not arrogant, not rash in speech, not disputatious, but men and women who know their religion, who enter into it, who know just where they stand, who know what they hold and what they do not, and who know their creed so well that they can give an account of it, who know so much of history that they can defend it. I want an intelligent, well-instructed laity… I wish you to enlarge your knowledge, to cultivate your reason, to get an insight into the relation of truth to truth, to learn to view things as they are, to understand how faith and reason stand to each other, what are the bases and principles of Catholicism, and where lie the main inconsistences and absurdities of the Protestant theory.” (St. John Henry Newman, “Duties of Catholics Towards the Protestant View,” Lectures on the Present Position of Catholics in England), "We cannot always have access to a spiritual Father for counsel in our actions and in our doubts, but reading will abundantly supply his place by giving us directions to escape the illusions of the devil and of our own self-love, and at the same time to submit to the divine will.” —St. Alphonsus Ligouri, "The harm that comes to souls from the lack of reading holy books makes me shudder . . . What power spiritual reading has to lead to a change of course, and to make even worldly people enter into the way of perfection." –St. Padre Pio, "Screens may grab our attention, but books change our lives!" – Word on Fire, "Reading has made many saints!" -St Josemaría Escrivá, "Do you pray? You speak to the Bridegroom. Do you read? He speaks to you." —St. Jerome, from his Letter 22 to Eustochium, "Encounter, not confrontation; attraction, not promotion; dialogue, not debate." -cf Pope Francis, "God here speaks to souls through…good books“ – St Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle, "You will not see anyone who is really striving after his advancement who is not given to spiritual reading. And as to him who neglects it, the fact will soon be observed by his progress.” -St Athanasius, "To convert someone, go and take them by the hand and guide them." -St Thomas Aquinas, OP. 1 saint ruins ALL the cynicism in Hell & on Earth. “When we pray we talk to God; when we read God talks to us…All spiritual growth comes from reading and reflection.” -St Isidore of Seville, “Also in some meditations today I earnestly asked our Lord to watch over my compositions that they might do me no harm through the enmity or imprudence of any man or my own; that He would have them as His own and employ or not employ them as He should see fit. And this I believe is heard.” -GM Hopkins, SJ, "Only God knows the good that can come about by reading one good Catholic book." — St. John Bosco, "Why don't you try explaining it to them?" – cf St Peter Canisius, SJ, Doctor of the Church, Doctor of the Catechism, "Already I was coming to appreciate that often apologetics consists of offering theological eye glasses of varying prescriptions to an inquirer. Only one prescription will give him clear sight; all the others will give him at best indistinct sight. What you want him to see—some particular truth of the Faith—will remain fuzzy to him until you come across theological eye glasses that precisely compensate for his particular defect of vision." -Karl Keating, "The more perfectly we know God, the more perfectly we love Him." -St Thomas Aquinas, OP, ST, I-II,67,6 ad 3, “But always when I was without a book, my soul would at once become disturbed, and my thoughts wandered." —St. Teresa of Avila, "Let those who think I have said too little and those who think I have said too much, forgive me; and let those who think I have said just enough thank God with me." –St. Augustine, "Without good books and spiritual reading, it will be morally impossible to save our souls." —St. Alphonsus Liguori "Never read books you aren't sure about. . . even supposing that these bad books are very well written from a literary point of view. Let me ask you this: Would you drink something you knew was poisoned just because it was offered to you in a golden cup?" -St. John Bosco " To teach in order to lead others to faith is the task of every preacher and of each believer." —St. Thomas Aquinas, OP. "Prayer purifies us, reading instructs us. Both are good when both are possible. Otherwise, prayer is better than reading." –St. Isidore of Seville “The aid of spiritual books is for you a necessity.… You, who are in the midst of battle, must protect yourself with the buckler of holy thoughts drawn from good books.” -St. John Chrysostom
