Grace is an eerie thing: subtle, sublime, quiet, small, whispering, unassuming, tiny, easily missed, ephemeral, when new, like sweet incense, or fragrant fresh cooking, but powerful; definitely powerful force.
It gives you ‘new eyes’, new/renewed strength, resolve, to accept, to resist, allowing you to see today, in peace, subtly, like new colors, or shades thereof, the wisdom, the rightness/correctness, and accept in peace what yesterday you would have suffered to protest, easily succumbed to the temptation of? Ask St Paul, Deo gratias!!!!
What if that’s IT? I mean, what if Jesus in calling the scribes and Pharisees ‘blind’ was not using a metaphor? What if sin literally blinds us, spiritually, in a physical sense? Am I making any sense?
What if mortal sin can be felt? Not only in terms of guilt of conscience, but in loss, true loss of vitality of the Spirit to ‘see’, to understand the truth? The Truth as God sees it, ever-clearly, but we, dimly, ever so dimly in near perfect darkness, only dim momentary flashes, if you’re tuned in, receptive, prayerful? The Life of Grace? Scripture tells us no mortal can see God and live. (Ex 33:20)
I realize we are told to believe that literally. It’s just terrifying, terrifying, in the extreme to rub one’s eyes in that realization, to experience it physically/personally oneself. That grace, as subtle, sublime as it is becomes personal? Physically intimate? To oneself? Yikes!!! Holy Supernatural, literally, Batman!!!
Maybe it’s just middle age and fatigue, or, is/was yesterday’s less than healthy menu choices? Surely, other factors affect, but still. I don’t know, but terrifying nonetheless, in possibility, in reality.